I'm with the Quendi

The 6th Largest Army

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Nothing to see here...

Bitching about my health has been the through-line of this LJ. On Thursday morning, I found out why. I have multiple sclerosis.

Neurologist: [pointing at Lipstick-brain on screen] And these are areas of inflammation.

Me: No, they are the mental scars from loving Fëanorians.

Neurologist: We need to do lumbar-puncture to be 100% sure, but I would advise you don't come alone to the next appointment.

Mae & Mags: What's he mean by this alone business?


[In Costa Coffee]

Maedhros: What are you doing?

Me: [evil glint in eye] Writing a list of everybody who called me lazy in the last ten years. There will be payback. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

Mags: [nibbling on a half-price sugar mouse] Oh dear, Lipstick, that could take time and we have to move house tomorrow.

Lipstick: O.O

Lipstick: [Summoning waiter] Can I have seventy-five more coffees, please.


Solicitor: Sign here -

Lipstick: Fuck, I hope I'm not committing fraud.

Maedhros: No you gave your full diagnosis at the time of asking to your provider.

Lipstick: Lady-of-a-certain-age who is seeking attention from medical profession in lieu of a husband?

Maedhros: That's the one. Get the keys, Lipstick - he's handing you the keys.

Lipstick: From my Estate Agent to my Solicitor, this has come to me! *clutches key to breast*

Solicitor: The carpets are a bit wet as the vendor has just had them cleaned.

Maglor: See, they've even got rid of the dragon. It will be perfect for you.


Elves: *Enter flat* Ai, Ai, No!

Elves: *Rush back out* No, no - give it back!

Lipstick: I can't give it back now, I've gone and bought the thing.

Mags: *Blocking path* Please don't go in, your mortal frame will not take it.

Lipstick: *Raises eyebrow at drama queen elves* *walks slowly into flat*

Lipstick: What?

Elves: *Peering nervously round corner* The sofa, the couch, it is hideous!

Maedhros: It burns us

Maglor: *whimpers*


Yeah, interesting times. The flat was really weird. I was spooked for a while at how much stuff had been left, not just furnishings but cutlery, bottle openers, glasses, three blank DVDds and a copy of cosmopolitan. I'm going to get the locks changed. But overall, being left with the stuff has saved me a fortune.

With the diagnosis, I'm fairly chilled. I'm more nervous about people's reactions but as a good chunk of my friends are nurses, drug workers and probation officers, they're all masters at inappropriate humour and disability positive.

I also now feel more confident in saying: I can't do that, I'm exhausted without beating myself up. I've got access to pain-killing medication at the appropriate dose and no longer feel like a middle-class junkie having to buy codeine pills all the time, and I know that the knotted pain in my right shoulder isn't cancer. All this is good.

The downside is it seems to have got progressively worse. I have found it difficult to keep track of symptoms, because I think I have been told so many times over the last nine years that there was nothing wrong, that it was everyday aches, pains and tiredness I had convinced myself they weren't happening. I'm naturally pretty dissociative and suggestible, and using OTC painkillers masked what was going on. So I've just got to be a bit more rigorous with noting when I have symptoms for them to work out an accurate prognosis.

My parents ~ yeah, Mum had a wibble. They came round and saw the new flat, Mum took one look at the sofa, turned green, chanted in Black Speech and stepped back; the sofa was subdued under cushions and throws into an agreeable state of beige and burgundy.

After that, the Witch Queen of Soft-Furnishings did have a bit of a wibble. I gave her a hug and reminded her that nothing about me had changed, I've just got a name for my laziness and clumsiness, and that although everyone thinks of that film about Jaqueline Du Pre:

Mother: Oh she was weird anyway.

Me: *Relieved there is a lot Mum does not know about me*

For many people it never progresses past being a nuisance.

Dad looked fine, he just took pictures and fixed my smoke alarms. Sadly, since my Auntie's death in 2003 and his cousin passing away in 2007 he has almost no family left. So I know he's going to worry about me too. And so I'm going to worry about him. Family huh?

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Having a diagnosis is a GOOD thing, yay! for All The Reasons! Huzzah for your doctor, and a big ol' BITCH-slap to everyone who ever misdiagnosed you as "Lady-of-a-certain-age who is seeking attention from medical profession in lieu of a husband".

Having MS? Not so good, but - as you say - not terrible either. You'll probably have to make some lifestyle changes (including learning to say "No, sorry, I can't" without qualms,) but with proper care and self-care, you could live as long and healthy a life as anyone else.

New HOUSE, woohoo, congratulations! And yay for your mother doing that Black Speech thing on the Ugly Couch of Ugliness! Throws hide a multitude of sins, and also keep one's keys and pens from falling down into the noisome pit behind the cushions, wherein who-knows-what may lurk: best not to go there.

Haha, it's worth a few mental scars to love Feanorians. A very happy New Year to all of you!

Edited at 2015-01-11 11:49 pm (UTC)

Haha, it's worth a few mental scars to love Fëanorians

Neurologist: *Looking at MRI brain* There seems to be a dark patch here...

Me: That's where I read about the Nirnaeth Arnoediad.

Yes, the Fëanorians are so worth it. And I'm pleased they now have a habitable couch.

I feel positive about the diagnosis. It wasn't exactly a shock that I was ill, I'd been telling people that for the last two years. It's just now I have a name for it, I have a right to appropriate medication, to take time off work when I'm sick, to hang out with the quendi doing nothing instead of doing the housework. It's a step forward.

Everyone has been utterly fantastic about it. My friends are not phased at all (I think a lot of them knew something was wrong too,) It's made me realise how lucky I am to have people around me who have positive attitudes and a slightly dark sense of humour, in RL and online.

The flat is amazing. I'm moving in next week :-), can't wait.

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