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I'm with the Quendi

The 6th Largest Army

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Nothing to see here...

Bitching about my health has been the through-line of this LJ. On Thursday morning, I found out why. I have multiple sclerosis.

Neurologist: [pointing at Lipstick-brain on screen] And these are areas of inflammation.

Me: No, they are the mental scars from loving Fëanorians.

Neurologist: We need to do lumbar-puncture to be 100% sure, but I would advise you don't come alone to the next appointment.

Mae & Mags: What's he mean by this alone business?


[In Costa Coffee]

Maedhros: What are you doing?

Me: [evil glint in eye] Writing a list of everybody who called me lazy in the last ten years. There will be payback. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

Mags: [nibbling on a half-price sugar mouse] Oh dear, Lipstick, that could take time and we have to move house tomorrow.

Lipstick: O.O

Lipstick: [Summoning waiter] Can I have seventy-five more coffees, please.


Solicitor: Sign here -

Lipstick: Fuck, I hope I'm not committing fraud.

Maedhros: No you gave your full diagnosis at the time of asking to your provider.

Lipstick: Lady-of-a-certain-age who is seeking attention from medical profession in lieu of a husband?

Maedhros: That's the one. Get the keys, Lipstick - he's handing you the keys.

Lipstick: From my Estate Agent to my Solicitor, this has come to me! *clutches key to breast*

Solicitor: The carpets are a bit wet as the vendor has just had them cleaned.

Maglor: See, they've even got rid of the dragon. It will be perfect for you.


Elves: *Enter flat* Ai, Ai, No!

Elves: *Rush back out* No, no - give it back!

Lipstick: I can't give it back now, I've gone and bought the thing.

Mags: *Blocking path* Please don't go in, your mortal frame will not take it.

Lipstick: *Raises eyebrow at drama queen elves* *walks slowly into flat*

Lipstick: What?

Elves: *Peering nervously round corner* The sofa, the couch, it is hideous!

Maedhros: It burns us

Maglor: *whimpers*


Yeah, interesting times. The flat was really weird. I was spooked for a while at how much stuff had been left, not just furnishings but cutlery, bottle openers, glasses, three blank DVDds and a copy of cosmopolitan. I'm going to get the locks changed. But overall, being left with the stuff has saved me a fortune.

With the diagnosis, I'm fairly chilled. I'm more nervous about people's reactions but as a good chunk of my friends are nurses, drug workers and probation officers, they're all masters at inappropriate humour and disability positive.

I also now feel more confident in saying: I can't do that, I'm exhausted without beating myself up. I've got access to pain-killing medication at the appropriate dose and no longer feel like a middle-class junkie having to buy codeine pills all the time, and I know that the knotted pain in my right shoulder isn't cancer. All this is good.

The downside is it seems to have got progressively worse. I have found it difficult to keep track of symptoms, because I think I have been told so many times over the last nine years that there was nothing wrong, that it was everyday aches, pains and tiredness I had convinced myself they weren't happening. I'm naturally pretty dissociative and suggestible, and using OTC painkillers masked what was going on. So I've just got to be a bit more rigorous with noting when I have symptoms for them to work out an accurate prognosis.

My parents ~ yeah, Mum had a wibble. They came round and saw the new flat, Mum took one look at the sofa, turned green, chanted in Black Speech and stepped back; the sofa was subdued under cushions and throws into an agreeable state of beige and burgundy.

After that, the Witch Queen of Soft-Furnishings did have a bit of a wibble. I gave her a hug and reminded her that nothing about me had changed, I've just got a name for my laziness and clumsiness, and that although everyone thinks of that film about Jaqueline Du Pre:

Mother: Oh she was weird anyway.

Me: *Relieved there is a lot Mum does not know about me*

For many people it never progresses past being a nuisance.

Dad looked fine, he just took pictures and fixed my smoke alarms. Sadly, since my Auntie's death in 2003 and his cousin passing away in 2007 he has almost no family left. So I know he's going to worry about me too. And so I'm going to worry about him. Family huh?

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So much love to you. ♥

I guess the bright side is having a diagnosis/explanation? Not that it's a fun diagnosis, by any stretch. Lots of good thoughts headed your way and good luck with the flat!

(Btw I am writing a story in which Gil-galad is a girl. It's a fun time. )

LJ ate my reply! I'm glad to see LJ hasn't changed since I've been away. Still as useless as ever.

Where are you writing Girl-Galad? I keep squeaking in joy every time I discover the old crew are still around. I want to know.

I'm writing Maeglin. At long last the Emo of Gondolin is getting a fic. It's on temporary hiatus as I move my belongings (books, clothes, laptop, two Feanorians - I haven't grown up) into my new place and estsblish an Internet conection.

I'm so happy the writing doctor is still around. Have you grown up yet?

I left an excerpt on my own LJ and I hope to post it as stories on Ao3 but writing is sloooooow. I am a grown up but I'm not ready to be one. D: i have an apartment and two cats but no man, alas.

There is the distinct possibility I will be moving to the UK in July. Well. The UK or Canada?!

It's so awesome to see you about here again :D :D I want to hear everything about the Quendi.

Oh, now feeling like an enormous fraud, <> but following a MRI scan, I don't have MS. So thank crap for that, although I still don't know why my right side is weird.

That's great, though! I do wonder what they saw on your initial scans but I, for one, I'm delighted that you don't have MS. How are you feeling otherwise?

Having a diagnosis is a GOOD thing, yay! for All The Reasons! Huzzah for your doctor, and a big ol' BITCH-slap to everyone who ever misdiagnosed you as "Lady-of-a-certain-age who is seeking attention from medical profession in lieu of a husband".

Having MS? Not so good, but - as you say - not terrible either. You'll probably have to make some lifestyle changes (including learning to say "No, sorry, I can't" without qualms,) but with proper care and self-care, you could live as long and healthy a life as anyone else.

New HOUSE, woohoo, congratulations! And yay for your mother doing that Black Speech thing on the Ugly Couch of Ugliness! Throws hide a multitude of sins, and also keep one's keys and pens from falling down into the noisome pit behind the cushions, wherein who-knows-what may lurk: best not to go there.

Haha, it's worth a few mental scars to love Feanorians. A very happy New Year to all of you!

Edited at 2015-01-11 11:49 pm (UTC)

Haha, it's worth a few mental scars to love Fëanorians

Neurologist: *Looking at MRI brain* There seems to be a dark patch here...

Me: That's where I read about the Nirnaeth Arnoediad.

Yes, the Fëanorians are so worth it. And I'm pleased they now have a habitable couch.

I feel positive about the diagnosis. It wasn't exactly a shock that I was ill, I'd been telling people that for the last two years. It's just now I have a name for it, I have a right to appropriate medication, to take time off work when I'm sick, to hang out with the quendi doing nothing instead of doing the housework. It's a step forward.

Everyone has been utterly fantastic about it. My friends are not phased at all (I think a lot of them knew something was wrong too,) It's made me realise how lucky I am to have people around me who have positive attitudes and a slightly dark sense of humour, in RL and online.

The flat is amazing. I'm moving in next week :-), can't wait.

The Quest is successful! Now you know your enemy's name! Best of luck on your Epic Battle.

Achievement: Homeowner unlocked! You level up now in Looking Like A Respectable Grownup. Mazel tov!

If it doesn't squeak, sag, shift, or stab you when you sit on it, and you know any ambitious crafty types (who still have their own bodies, sorry Tyelpe), someone might think reupholstering your Couch Of Doom will be a fun weekend. (Do not get it done commercially-- it will cost as much as a new couch.) I'm afraid I don't know where to get cheap upholstery fabric in your area though, so that and good thoughts are about the limit of my useful input.

By an amazing co-incidence, two of my friends bought sewing machines for Christmas, and City Road Cardiff, is like the international bazaar of materials and imported fabric, so I do believe I have the troops to take on this enemy, and at least get it some decent throws, if not re-upholsetered.

Alas I have one level yet to unlock before I move in, the electric meter room is behind a secret door which none of my keys open. Once this has been cracked, I'm in.

Yes, I'm just relieved to know my enemy. Probably a good wake up call to take better care of myself.

Yeah. Anyone who's called you lazy is about to feel like quite the dickhead...

Otherwise -- not sure what would be the most helpful thing to say. I mean, you are clearly aware that being diagnosed is infinitely better than being undiagnosed. But did you have to pick something with the same first initial as your house-Elves?

Also, congrats on home ownership. Not sure about sofa ownership. I am not very lookist when it comes to sofas, but is it at least comfy?

My crappy Tumblr pic didn't quite do it justice ~ It was very Ta Da! Here I am! Your Pink and Green plaid sofa! But now Mum has subdued it, it is sitting quietly against the wall in beige. It is very comfy.

The seller actually saved me a fortune by leaving all (and I mean all, wine glasses, saucepans, weird silk throws you get in hotels draped over the bed) their stuff. It's normal to but flats empty. So all the stuff was a bit strange.

As to the diagnosis, not much you can say. It is what it is. Not sure why I took to the internets to announce it. I think LJ just gave me a chance to get my thoughts together before I faced the world.

Although I do have a reason to be sloppy with my fic updates. The next chapter of my pointy eared sex-and-angst-a-thon is delayed by my need to take a three week nap.

Congratulations on the home ownership! Can you slip me your address and I can send you a housewarming giftlet?

That couch...I saw it on Tumblr. Oooo. I actually think it has good lines? I'd slipcover good and proper.

And good luck with the diagnosis. Between the web and MS societies you have All The Advice Ever, and you are also now ground zero for other people's MS-related anecdotes. I hope the Quendi commentary helps with that.

It's safely under a throw for now, and hopefully one of my sewing friends will take a commission on something a bit less beige. I actually saved a fortune on stuff left, all functional, won't be sorry to
leave current bed as it is mostly springs. And occasional mice.

That's so sweet. You don't have to send a gift. Just remember if you are ever passing through Wales there is always an ugly couch for you in Cardiff. And please don't send Maeglin round, he'll give my Maeglin ideas and I'm not sharing a flat with them two having a who is the most psychologically-damaged top-off.

Yes, it's amazing how many people have said they know someone with MS. I'm already fending off advice on vit pills and Paleo- diets. I'd be one of the ancients in caveman times, so not planning on giving up chocolate.

It most likely will go against the grain, and not exactly be career appropriate, but my MS friend swears by a bit of judicious weed when things get rough. At least you have the contacts. Oooops... did I write that?

Take a nap on the tamed sofa and think of Quendi... but then maybe that isn't going to be so restful after all. {{{hugs}}} Glad to hear you are being very positive. Best wishes to the New Flat and all the Quendi who sail in her.

Heh the marijuana it does nothing!!!

Sorry, my internetting is really intermittent at the moment due to the moving house thing. So sorry for the late response.

But seriously, there's been a lot of research into cannabis receptors recently, and it has answered a lifelong question from my misspent youth - why can't I get stoned?

And the answer is: I don't have the right kind of receptor, apparently, the ability to get mash-up is genetic, some people (approx. 30% population as an estimate) carry a gene that means cannabis doesn't really affect them, and I'm guessing I'm in the unlucky 30%. Which explains why I am possibly the only drug worker I've ever met who can't roll a spliff.

Now Gabapentin on the other hand, that baby works a treat.

*G* As long as there's something out there that will grease the wheels! My friend swears by having her's as leaf, crumbled into a paste with good quality hot chocolate before adding hot milk - two hits and a fatty beverage! I joined her in a mug before we watched 'Fargo' once... now I know the movie is funny, but not THAT funny. I chortled like a hyena on steroids all the way through.

I feel like a massive fake now, but I should tell you following an MRI scan, I don't have MS. That still doesn't explain why the weirdness, but at least it's not that. So good news I guess.

*massively pleased*

I'm told there can be cryptic initials annotated to medical notes, GOK and FOK... as in 'God only knows' and 'Fuck only knows'!

So not faking, merely flummoxed... Here's hoping the NHS's finest can eventually find a name for whatever.

My daughter has had joint and muscle pain, deteriorating knees and hips and a hugely low Vit D count for year's and they're still trying to figure out how they connect, if they connect, or if she's just lucked out genetically speaking.

Sorry, I used to read and review your maedhros/maglor thingies on the simarillions writers guild, and now follow your tracks on this live journal, but I was not really aware, if everything is okay with you, since your diagnosis, so I asked Lindahoyland , who is member here on live journal, on SWG, and she told me, you posted just revently on tumblr, but, I found it difficult, to register there, sorry.
Please, keep on living, writing and so on, I love your writings...

Re: hey, just hello...

Hello Lovely,

Are you the person who has been leaving messages on my tumblr? Thank you so much, it is so kind of you.

I'm glad you liked my Maedhros and Maglor thingies. I think I have forgotten my SMG log in, but I will check in.

Also, feeling like an epic fraud now, but following an MRI scan I don't have MS. Crap knows what I do have, but I am pleased.

Thank you for all the kind thoughts.

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